i just wanna soil my oats bro
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
