We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
