12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
