i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
