Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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