DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
