Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
