i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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