and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
