Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
