The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
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