so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
