No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
