broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
