Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
and she was petting her beer can
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
