You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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