Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
