you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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