So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
