The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
