he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
