Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
