I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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