i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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