he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
