bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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