For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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