better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Is Oprah even human
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
