Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
