She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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