alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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