coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
