5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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