Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
