can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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