My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
