People in love make me want to vomit
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Two words: blizzard sex
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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