not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
