he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
