I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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