we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
