I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
