my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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