Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you win again, gameday.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
