either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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