Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
