Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
