I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
