She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
