She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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