My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
