So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
